It’s been one year since my hysterectomy! I truly cannot believe it. Time flies when you’re not miserable and in constant pain.
My quality of life has drastically improved and I am doing things that I couldn’t have done if I still had a uterus and had to deal with all that entailed. One of my biggest fears growing up was what I was going to do when I got a traditional office job and had my period. On average, my period made sitting for extended amounts of time impossible 2-3 days a month. I found ways to get through high school, college and law school dealing with the pain, but I was terrified that it was going to be harder to deal with in a traditional office job. I got a job in a very toxic atmosphere and stayed there way longer than I should have because it was remote. On days where I had my period I could work from a chair with a heating pad or in bed. I was miserable emotionally and my mental health tanked, but at least I had access to a heating pad and could wear leggings. I was too scared to look elsewhere because I knew that I couldn’t have those luxuries in an office, so in my mind, it was worth dealing with the toxic culture.
In August, I started a job that requires me to commute 30 minutes each way and be in the office for 5 days a week for the first 6 months. Once I hit the 6 month mark, I can work from home one day a week (and while sick and during weather issues). I love my job and the people I work with, and I am so grateful that I didn’t have to start a new job with all of my previous endometriosis concerns- What do I do if I cannot function because I am in so much pain? Am I bleeding through my pads/ underwear and onto this chair? Will my coworkers judge how much I am using the bathroom? Will someone hear me throwing up from the pain in the bathroom and judge me? And then, if I decided to ask for accommodations, how will I talk to my male boss about this? I am not embarrassed to talk about it, but how will he react? Will he judge my work quality based on my chronic health issues? Will he judge me personally based on what he knows about my health? Will he be kind or dismissive? Luckily, now my symptoms are managed so well that none of these concerns were necessary. No one knows except for a few coworkers I’ve personally shared with because they also have endo. It was so liberating to start this job without having these extra issues to worry about.
There is not a single aspect of my life that endometriosis has had a negative impact on. School, friendships, dating, traveling, family life, self-esteem, mental health, work- it has touched it all. And it was exhausting. I’m still processing it now- especially the anger in knowing that I did not have to suffer as long as I did. If I had had better gynecologists that listened to me, one would have seen that I had a literal textbook case of endometriosis and suggested that I get a laparoscopic excision surgery. If I had had more open-minded gynecologists, they would have taken my requests for a hysterectomy more seriously, and I wouldn’t have suffered from adenomyosis (when the tissue that normally lines the uterus grows into the muscular wall of the uterus) as long as I did. The only cure for adenomyosis is a hysterectomy. I have never wanted children, but even if I was on the fence, I think I would choose my quality of life over carrying a child. And I should have been allowed to make that choice before the age of 33.
I am so incredibly grateful for the last year of my life. It has been largely pain free (with a few exceptions- endometriosis will be part of my life forever). As grateful as I am, I can’t help but be angry and sad, too. I suffered so needlessly for so long.
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